So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
