yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize