I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
