if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
