I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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