I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
