So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
