I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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