Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize