Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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