hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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