When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
