My underwear smells like fireworks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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