Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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