it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
