Banned from zoo.
Again?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
