the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
