Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
