Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
