I can text with my tongue
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
