i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
