i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
