May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
