Im at strip club and am horny
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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