talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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