i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
