Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
