At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
