I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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