Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
