my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Enjoy the penises
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
