i already hear my dad disowning me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
