I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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