You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
