Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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