i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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