new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
