Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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