I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize