i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
