my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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