Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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