in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
