NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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