maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
