I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
