apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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