A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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