she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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