On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
