So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
