This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
