Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
