Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
