Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
