I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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