The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
