There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize