I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
