There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
