i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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