Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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