Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
