last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
